How to Overcome Jealousy in Marriage

While jealousy is a normal emotion that everyone feels at some point, uncontrolled jealousy can strain personal lives. Jealousy can have an especially negative impact on romantic relationships. Fortunately, whether it’s you or your partner that is feeling jealous, this is a problem that can be managed. With some honest, open communication and counseling, you and your significant other can overcome problems of jealousy in your relationship.

    Accept that jealousy is a natural emotion:

    While it can cause problems, jealousy is still natural and real. There is a reason you’re feeling jealous, and getting to the root of it involves accepting those feelings. Suppressing it will only cause more problems later on. Understand that you’re a human and are allowed to have emotions. Then you can move on to constructive solutions.

    Give yourself a chance to calm down before acting on your jealous feelings:

    Jealousy can cause you to act cold or hostile toward your partner. Rather than acting on these feelings when they arise, give yourself some time to think about your jealousy.

    • Taking a short walk away from the situation is a good method to give yourself time to think.
    • Doing some relaxation and deep breathing exercises can help you calm down and achieve some clarity.

    Ask yourself if what you’re feeling is rational:

    Jealousy can sometimes be an irrational emotion. While you’re taking a break, think about the situation that caused your feelings. Assess what your partner did, and whether or not it’s justified for you to be upset. By asking yourself some questions, you can gain some insight on this issue

    • If you did what your partner did, would they be upset with you? This is a good indication that your feelings are justified.
    • Has your partner done something that threatens you or your relationship? If yes, then your feelings are rational and you should plan on discussing the issue as soon as possible.
    • If, however, your partner was engaging in normal behavior, like having a friendly conversation with a coworker, then your feelings may be irrational. Talk with your partner and understand the situation better.
    • Your jealousy may be correct as well. If your partner seems uncomfortable or tries to ignore your questions, you may have a right to be suspicious of their behavior.

    Communicate your feelings to your partner in a calm and specific way:

    Whether your feelings are justified or not, you have to communicate with your partner constructively. Be very honest and clearly explain why you’re upset.

    • Begin this conversation calmly, saying: “I want to explain why I got jealous before.”
    • Be as specific as possible when explaining your feelings. Statements like “You always do this” are vague and don’t give your partner a clear idea of what they did wrong. Instead, say: “When you talked to that woman I didn’t know at the party before, I felt ignored.”
    • Remember to avoid hostility while you explain your feelings. Attacking your partner will put them on the defensive, and your chances of a productive conversation will drop.
    • Do not leave hints and expect your partner to understand why you’re upset. Be open and clear about your feelings.

    Avoid trying to get back at your partner:

    There is nothing constructive about being vindictive and trying to get revenge in your relationship. Purposely doing things that make your partner upset or jealous won’t solve anything. Instead, communicate your needs and talk through your issues.

    • For example, if you’re convinced your partner was flirting with another woman, it won’t help if you go flirt with someone to get back at your partner. Instead, have an open conversation about your feelings.

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