Couples experience varying levels of happiness in marriage, throughout their relationship. Sometimes things feel like they couldn’t possibly get any better, and you are truly happy in marriage. Other times they could use some work, but for the most part, you’re content. And still other times, you can feel like you are struggling. And long for moments when you remember being happy together.
I know that there are a lot of different things that contribute to the level of happiness in your marriage. But there are a few things I think that you can both do to increase that happiness, external forces aside. I hope that implementing these tips in your marriage will increase your level of happiness with the relationship!
Communicate your expectations in a kind, loving, and positive way. You won’t receive a good response if you are making demands. The best way to communicate those expectations is with requests or by sharing your wishes. An example might be that you need them to help out more with something you’ve previously been doing. This could sound like, “I’m not feeling like I’m able to focus on my self-care in this crazy time. Would you be willing to help me out by giving me an hour of uninterrupted time between dinner and bedtime each night?” Then the two of you can discuss what that looks like and all of the details.
Another reason that a lot of individuals have noted for not being happy is that they feel unappreciated for what they contribute to the relationship. As you become comfortable with each other and fall into routines in marriage. When something becomes routine, you can forget to be intentional about it. Those things that your spouse does every day like taking the garbage out, making meals, doing the dishes, making the bed, or any other little thing, can become routine in your marriage. These are the things that you should be thanking your spouse for occasionally. In addition to the bigger gestures that are easy to express gratitude for when they come up.
Look for the good:
Have you heard the theory that you find what you are looking for? If you are constantly looking for or focusing on the things that make you unhappy in your marriage, that is what you will find. But if you start to search for those happy moments, you will start to see more of them. I notice the same thing with looking for things I’m grateful for in my life vs. looking at the things that I wish would change.
Assume the best:
If you are constantly seeing the things your spouse isn’t doing “right” and assuming that they’re doing those things wrong on purpose, you will always be unhappy with them. Instead, you could look at those things that upset you and what your spouse’s motive could have been in a positive light. I like to think that in general, our spouses want to make us happy and aren’t trying to hurt us. So when your spouse does do or say something that hurts you, is potentially offensive or makes you upset, take a step back before you say anything.