Do you worry constantly about whether your partner really loves you? Whether they are cheating or betraying in you in some other way? Insecurities in a relationship can be destructive and a quick way to sabotage potential happiness. They can cause both men and women to make some of the biggest relationship mistakes out there.

When one partner feels constantly insecure in the solidity of the relationship both partners suffer. And unfortunately, it can lead to a vicious cycle of suspicions, complaints, and reassurance that will sap the energy of both and lead to an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship.

Here are some signs to know why we feel insecure in relationships:

Gimme that phone:

You don’t really know what you are looking for – but you know you want to see their phone. It could be messages, pictures, old emails, social-media inboxes, or just going through their social media network – followers, friend lists, and so on.

If you keep checking your partner’s phone every chance you get, it is a sure sign of insecurity. When you don’t get to do it, it bothers you. And when your partner refuses to give it to you, it makes you doubt their fidelity, commitment, and love.

Don’t leave me:

If you are the kind of person that wants to do everything with their partner, and also wants the partner to do everything with them, it is a sure sign of insecurity. At the base of this constant urge to touch base with your partner is a deep-rooted sense of mistrust. It’s often not about the urge to do everything together, so much as it is about wanting to always keep tabs on your partner. If they’re always with you, they can’t be with anybody else, right?

Do you still love me?

Ever find yourself going on a ‘poor me’ pity-trip, where you feel bad about yourself – thinking about all the sacrifices you made all your life, and how you never really did what you wanted to do? Most people will turn to their partners when they feel low. But if you constantly find yourself looking at your partner to comfort you and tell you how much they love you and how you are the best person ever and how you will never ever leave them… take it as a sign of insecurity.

Was that your ex?

Times have changed, and it is quite common for partners to have been with someone else before they finally ended up with each other. But if you catch yourself thinking about the insignificant another person that is actually nothing but your partner’s past, more often than you find yourself thinking about your present and future… not only is it a sign of insecurity, but also a deep injustice to a committed partner.

You’re having an affair, aren’t you?:

The ultimate sign of insecurity is the feeling that your partner is out there with someone else. Most spouses will admit to thinking of this ‘other person’ as prettier, richer, sexier, than they themselves are, validating their doubt over their partner’s fidelity.